so you’re a circumcised father…

It must be challenging to be a grown man and realize that your penis was, at some point, cut without your permission when you were completely defenseless and presumably very against the procedure. I personally have never witnessed an infant that enjoys being forcibly held to a mini operating table and butchered with their parents and doctor looking on. Sounds horrible just writing it and it washorrible being peripherally involved while this was going on. (shudder).

Anyway, it’s not like I hold a grudge against circumcised males for being circumcised. I get it– they didn’t have a choice about it and have had to build their sexual identity around their (circumcised) penis.  They know there is another way to be– uncircumcised– which is how they were born but this obviously necessary invasion had to take place and so they’re “better” somehow because they’ve undergone a medical procedure (assuredly against their wishes).

Well at some point if this circumcised fellow pro-creates and has a baby momma (or wifey) to make decisions with, there might come the issue of circumcision regarding their son and the female partner who doesn’t have a clue about penis and it’s precarious political presence in her husband’s life. When she decides to bring up the “issue” of circumcision (and from my perspective, the lack of its necessity) emotions can run high and stupid shit can transpire.

Upside I’d like to insert at this point to being a single pregnant woman: you have no argument about circumcision that has to happen. You make your own choice and move the fuck on. It’s great once you get past the slut-shaming and initial loneliness of being dumped with a fetus inside you.

For the rest of the moms-to-be that are battling their circumcised partner on the issue, there has been an incredibly insightful series of articles put together on this very matter.  I speak directly to the moms because presumably they’re at a loss why this is an issue and are most likely to seek out advice on the matter. Though perhaps a particularly self-aware father with a snipped dick is out there seeking insight too (yeah, I know I’m not being very sensitive to the issue).  If nothing else, you may have a completely irrational sperm donor type that seems to believe that their son’s penis should match theirs (the idea is completely bewildering to me but I don’t have a penis) and might be wondering just what in the hell they’re smoking (unless you know what they’re smoking. Though I can assure you this will be less validating than you assume).

Well, author Vincent Bach has some words of wisdom in the essay The Vulnerability of Men on just this very phenomenon.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that its perfectly understandable that our circumcised friends react this way. Men who have been circumcised have an extremely difficult dilemma. For them to acknowledge that the practice is unnecessary and harmful means that they must acknowledge a painful personal reality. For that reason circumcised men can be forgiven if they don’t want to lead the parade in the fight against routine infant circumcision. I can empathize and therefore understand completely why so many men will voluntarily offer their sons up for the same procedure without giving it a second thought. To do otherwise opens them up to some vulnerable feelings that can be most unpleasant. I think many circumcised men accept without question and perpetuate the myths regarding the intact penis in order to cope…

Take it from a guy to offer up insight on how to deal with a guy!  Sure men have pressure to perform sexually (must be why this patriarchal system allows for penile implants but declines boob jobs) and to be out-of-touch with their emotions.  Such a combination in dealing with life makes for a whirlwind of ridiculous assertions (don’t you think a dad and his son should have matching penises?!?!?!) that are inexplicable out of the internal mess that transpires for men.

To raise a healthy, happy, human, it’s so clear that communication and respect must be part of the dialogue.  The same communication and respect that is the foundation of a healthy romantic relationship should also be extended to the parent-child relationship as well.  Now, excepting religious practices for circumcision (another argument or conversation entirely), the circ-talk must be the beginning grounds for this communication and respect to carry over into the parent-child relationship.

By truly resolving the underlying issues, fears, frustrations, and traumas of circumcision, you allow your child to have a rational and reasonable explanation later in life as to why he is or is not circumcised. Just to say “we match” or “it was your mother’s/father’s idea” is not respectful and continues the sorry state of communication us humans have been conditioned to operate within.  To have compelling dialogue heals past wounds and allows for future conversations and open dialogue about such a sensitive and truly defining moment in a man’s life.

So read up! You are only as vulnerable as you choose to be.

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