Bioshock is like… bioSHOCKING

So the new game in the PS3 is… BIOSHOCK.


I’m not up on my gaming by any stretch of the imagination. I haven’t played this new crap because I stick boobs in tiny people’s mouths and blog. So enter in the new Bioshock game… um yeah. What the heck is this?

P.S. I’m about to give you major story and plot give-aways (maybe… the plot hasn’t really thickened too much at this point) so if you care about that stuff, Bioshock, and you haven’t played the game, then be forewarned. Muthafuggin SPOILER ALERT (maybe).

So dude starts out and he is in a boat with some weird bickering couple and you’re just like… awkward.
Then he gets to the dock and I love when games do this to you and the characters say something passive aggressive which lets you know it’s time for you to get out on your way… Anyway, he goes into the creepy lighthouse and there’s a bunch of super religious weirdo stuff and I’m like… WTF. Is this a Christian game? Is this Christian propaganda? Are we going to be doing THIS the whole game?

But then there’s this creepy chair:

And of course, even though you’re like DON’T GET IN THE CHAIR, he sits in the chair and gets shot up into the sky or something (because this is supposedly the 1900’s but whatever) and he’s all of a sudden in cloud city.

But to get there he has to go through a bunch of people being “saved.”

Then whatever, it’s weird and there are all these white supremacist overtones and undertones and also all these religious things and it’s like being at the World Fair for way too long… All of this is done in the image of the “founding fathers” with Washington, Franklin, and Jefferson as the idols the utopian society is built upon (interesting, eh?) so you’re like well, they were all slave holders and religious… This game is getting interesting. So you’re paying attention and picking up clues and supplies and then he gets to this raffle… Okay… WHAT?!

There’s a raffle done by picking a baseball out of basket and of course *you* win it and guess what the prize is… to toss the ball at a couple found inter-racialing. Okay but that’s not even all… it’s just like the announcer dude is throwing some SERIOUS racist shit out there.

“You take your coffee black these days?”

Holy crap! That’s not all, it’s just what stuck in my head.

So by this point… I now feel incredibly awkward in the privacy of my own living room like holy shit balls this is a mass produced game and what the heck is going on? Obviously you’re not the racist in the game- or are you (is this that twist everyone keeps talking about)? I mean this game is so weird. And … just wut? I get that it takes place in the early 1900s and we all know America should really be spelled with a KKK instead of that “c” but… oh man. That shit threw me for a loop.

So all hell breaks loose because you’re the devil and you wind up with this super dope weapon which lays upon your enemies like the most brutal kill I’ve seen yet in a lot of different games. There’s some “yay” John Wilkes Booth imagery and anti-Lincoln paintings and more white supremacy stuff as you try and make your way to pick up some girl (your apparent mission at this juncture). Which is kind of funny because Lincoln was actually kind of racist himself…

I really wonder if the racism will be explained in any meaningful capacity in this game. Which then brings me to the awkward thought of… what if you’re black and you play Bioshock? Isn’t that weird? There’s almost never a “person of color” in any game and then when you are confronted with a person of color its under totally racist circumstances where you are being asked whether you would like to throw a baseball at that person or the announcer. Yeah, you can throw the ball at the announcer but totally weird. Or maybe it’s super satisfying like “yup- fucking white people.” I don’t know. Oh and I forgot (they just mentioned it again) they keep talking about Wounded Knee like a victory. OMFG. Just eeek.

This game is totally weird. It will be interesting to see what happens from the perspective of actually and meaningfully incorporating racist commentary (instead of just having this casually thrown in there for shock value or even an awkwardly offensive agenda). I am going to resist the urge to google the ending and have this unfold before my eyeballs.

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